So after the Skills Competition I had a thought. Maybe this is just me, being a Goalie Junkie, but I always think it’s somewhat unfair for the goalies during the All-Star Weekend. I know I’m not the only one that thinks this, everyone has pretty much acknowledged that ASGs are no fun for goalies. But I’ve always felt bad for them – it seems like they’re just props to help showcase the offensive talent in the league. So, I’ve always thought that goalies need their own event. And then once I have that thought, it is followed quickly by the realization that without shooters, they goalies would have nothing to do. So here’s my ideas for Goalie All Star Events that will never come to be:
–Rocket Goalies – This idea comes from Jackass: The Movie. Or Jackass 2, I can’t remember which one this was in. But anyway, there’s one part where Johnny Knoxville puts on a pair of rollerblades, and duct tapes a bunch of bottle rockets to the back of them, lit the rockets, and then tried to see how far he could get without falling down. So for Rocket Goalies, the goalies would be in full gear, but have 3 bottle rockets affixed to each of their skates. They would be in full gear, so they would be fully protected from getting hurt by falling, or from being burned by the rockets. There would be two rounds; Round 1 would consist of the Conference Goalies facing off against each other, all three would line up at one goal line, the rockets would be lit, whoever makes it the furthest without falling wins and advances to the next round. Round 2 is the winner of the East vs. the winner of the West. Whoever makes it the furthest wins. Hell yeah.
UPDATE: The guy who posted the video has embedding disabled, so here’s the link (leave it alone this time, Eric):
–The Superman Slide – Again, two rounds: East vs. West and Winner takes Winner. The three goalies line up at the goal line, skate to the blue line, and dive onto the ice. Whoever slides the furthest and stays the straightest wins.
–Goal-out – Like the shootout, but the goalies are the shooters. Like the trick shot contest this year, a junior level goalie would be in goal, but instead of forwards, the All Star voted goalies are doing the shooting. The goalies have one minute to score as many goals as they can, in full goal gear. Masks optional. Using goal sticks, not regular sticks. Whoever scores the most goals wins.
Are these suggestions ridiculous? Hell yes. Will they ever become part of the All-Star Skills competition? Hell no. But would it be fun as hell to watch if they did? Abso-rootin-tootin-lutely(I can’t use the f-word on this blog).