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Mother of God.

Your 2008-2009 New York Rangers.

I hate this team right now.  So much.  So very, very much.  This is bullshit.  This team has quit on themselves.  I don’t care how much bullshit they spew about having to get their confidence back and we played strong but they got goals and it’s hard to come back and blah blah blah.  No.  To hell with that.  This was a first place team at the beginning of the season, and at that time, they actually looked like it.  This is a team that should still be in first place.  Instead they’re a handful of losses away from not making the playoffs.  Now they look like frozen shit on ice skates.  No, not frozen.  Make that steaming elephant shit rolled in 100 dollar bills.  Yes, 100 dollar bills – just to remind how how much these schmucks are getting paid to not do a goddamn thing they’re supposed to.  And I hope Hank enjoyed the All Star Game, because it’s his last one.  Granted, he can’t do anything about the guys in front of him not putting the puck in the damn net, but still – no more ASG for you, Henrik.

Anyway, sorry – this is the Game Preview post, not the Angry Tirade post.  Basically, the Rangers are facing the Capitals tonight.  More specifically, Alex Ovechkin is at the Garden to further embarrass these dogs we so loyally follow.  I bet all of you all the money in my bank account that Ovechkin, by himself, will outscore the Rangers.  And look awesome doing it.  The only reason I’m even considering watching this game is to watch Ovechkin.   And to hear the “Fire Renney”/”Fire Sather”/”We Want Prucha”/”Bring Back Avery”/”Earn Your Paycheck” chants at the Garden.  I’m seriously hoping for some “Earn Your Paycheck”s.  Hence the name of this game preview.

I’m sure Renney the Rodent has come up with some ridiculously stupid and ineffective line combinations for tonight, and I’m not even bothering looking them up.  Fifty bucks says Lundqvist is centering the second line with Voros and my Uncle Steve.  

Prucha’s a healthy scratch, because clearly he is the Anti-Christ and must be punished.

Screw the numbers breakdown.  This team sucks, and Washington doesn’t.  That’s all you need to know.

I’ll probably end up watching just to see how the crowd is reacting.

Anywho, here’s something more interesting to watch tonight:

Update: Andrew Gross has a very good interview with Tom Renney on Petr Prucha over at Ranger Rants.

Give it a looksie.

Rangerland.net is bringing the funny in this time of need with The New York Rangers Line Generator and this:

I used that Line Generator and these are the lines I got:

FORWARDS

***Please note that Prucha is a healthy scratch.***

DEFENSEMEN

Nice touch making Prucha the permanent healthy scratch.

I ‘m going to put this one to a vote.  I’m not asking if he should be fired but if he will be fired.

• The Rangers can’t score!
• They have so much talent (allegedly) but their offense is stagnant and their power play is putrid.
• They are a team of second-fiddles being paid first-fiddle money.

And the retorts?

• Renney is a defense-first coach.
• This team will win with solid goaltending and solid defense.
• Drury and Gomez might not score 25 goals, but they add so much on the defensive end (and gosh, Drury is just soooo clutch!)

Well, the team that gave up 10 goals to Dallas was absolutely abysmal.  At one point, Joe Micheletti even called out the Rangers for too much stick-checking and not enough body-checking.  Welcome to the 2008-2009 season Joe!  I’ve only been saying that all freakin’ year.  If Joe notices it, it has to be reallllly egregious.

And that was the effort the Rangers put forth after stinking out the joint on Graves night?  THAT was the best they could muster after Renney put the team through a “wake UP people!” puck-less practice??

You could see it in the effort.  You could see it in the body language.  This team has quit on Renney.  Let’s hope they haven’t quit on the season.

Hey y’all!  I know we’ve been terrible about updating for the last week or so, and we’re very very sorry, please don’t hate us.  Our poor little hearts can’t take it.  We promise to be better, jsut please don’t leave me for that  hot chick with the tongue ring us for another blog!

So the last time we saw our Rangers, they were shitting the bed and rolling around in it in Dallas, losing 10-2 to the Stars.  It was the first time the Rangers have given up 10 goals since April 9th, 1993 against Pittsburgh, and the Stars haven’t scored 10 goals in one game the entire time they have been in Dallas.  Terrific!

This is all Nastia Liukin's fault. Bitch.

To be entirely honest, I have quite possibly the lowest expectations for this team going into this game that I’ve had since before the lockout.  The die-hard fan in me wants to have faith and really believe they can pull it out and grind out a win, but good lord in heaven have they looked terrible the entire month of February.  So I’m not sure, let’s just hope it’s not a complete embarrassment.  We all know how I feel about the Devils.

I think we can say that we must never, ever vote Henrik into the All-Star Game.  Ever.  Clearly the dude needs a vacation at the mid-way point of the season, and this year he didn’t get it and it shows.  Hopefully the couple days off he got with the flu made up for it and he’ll be back in Kingly form tonight.  Hopefully.  Plus I think my t-shirt is cursed.  I ordered it and Hank played like hell in the ASG.  Now every time I sleep in it/wear it to the gym they lose.  And lose horribly.  Balls.  I like that shirt, too.

 Anyway, tonight’s really a toss up.  The Rangers are coming off of 4 straight losses, the Devils are coming off of two straight after being on a hot streak for a long time.  The Rangers could rebound with an awesome game and remind us why we all endure the misery of being a Ranger fan, because it will eventually pay off with glorious victory, or they will once again get embarrassed in spectacular fashion, and we can all storm MSG with torches and pitchforks.  Sound fun?  I think so.

In other(ish) news: Tonight is the first time the Rangers will be facing Brendan Shanahan, a former Ranger

Shanny. Shan-Shan. Shan-dog. Shan-diggity-dog.

 who Glen Sather let twist in the wind for the entire summer, preseason, and the better part of this season.  I loved Shanny, always did.  I was sad to see him go.  If the Rangers lose tonight, I hope it’s Shanny who scores the game-winner.  Yeah, I said it.

UPDATE: Courtesy of Steve Zipay, tonight’s lines:

Naslund-Gomez-Drury
Callahan-Dubinsky-Zherdev
Dawes-Korpikoski-Sjostrom
Voros-Betts-Orr

Henrik Lundqvist will be back in net after missing the last game against Dallas with the flu.

Numbers breakdown:

Devils record: 33-17-3   –   8-2-0  in their last 10  -  15-10-1 at home

Rangers record: 29-19-5   –  5-4-1  in their last 10  -  13-11-2 on the road

Average goals scored in a game:

Devils: 3.04

Rangers: 2.40

Average goals allowed in a game:

Devils: 2.49

Rangers: 2.70

Power Play

Devils: 18.6%

Rangers: 14.9%

Penalty Kill:

Devils: 82%

Rangers: 86.6%

On to the picks! (I’m feeling lazy today, so they won’t be in the regular game by game format)

Eric’s Picks:

Devils over Caps - The Devils are red hot while the Caps are pretty bad on the road.
Lightning – It’s all on you, Karri Ramo!
BJ’s – Yes, yes.  That’s what she said.
Panthers – I’m go out on a limb and say that no Canadian teams will win tonight.
Pens – I mean it!
Kings – I’m serious, guys.
Coyotes – Every time I pick them they lose!  Maybe they read this blog and the pressure of having to live up to my predictions is killing them.  Or not.
RANGERS! over Thrashers – They can’t lose on Adam Graves night!  Does anyone else find it strange that they played the Thrashers last year on Brian Leetch night? *gimmie* (Ed. note: yes, Eric, we do)
Flames – OK.  Maybe one Canadian team will win.
Blackhawks over Oilers – The oil gave up 10 to the Sabres.  How will they fare against the Hawks?
Canes – Yes, the Canes.

Rory’s Picks:

Devils over Caps – I hate them, but Washington sucks on the road. *gimmie*

Lightning over Islanders – I think even Barry Melrose’s mullet could beat the Islanders at this point.

Blue Jackets over Blues – Battle of the Blue!

Leafs over Panthers – I’m picking the exact opposite of Eric’s non-Canadian picks.  Bwahaha!

Penguins over Montreal – Montreal deserves to lose every game from here on out for wearing those disgusting barber-pole sweaters.

Kings over Sens – The Sens are just pitiful.

Predators over Coyotes – Why not?

Rangers over Thrashers – If the Rangers lose, Mess will cry.  Oh, wait…

Stars over Flames – I’m feelin’ the love for the big D lately.

Blackhawks over Oilers – I could care less about this game.  I just picked one.

Hurricanes over Canucks – Take that, Mats.

St. Louis Blues v. Detroit Red Wings

Rory - Red Wings over Blues: *gimmie* Come on, now.

Eric – Red Rings over Blues: They don’t like losing two in a row.

Calgary Flames v. Colorado Avalanche

Rory – Flames over Avs: I don’t really have a reason for this, I just think they’re gonna win.

Eric – Flames over Avs: *gimmie* Kipper is a beast.

Anaheim Ducks v. Buffalo Sabres

Rory – Ducks over Buffaslugs: Sure.

Eric – Sabres over Ducks: Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.

They even cheered the goal!  The only time I can recall Rangers fans, or and fans for that matter, cheering for the opposing team was when Eddie Giacomin returned to the Garden as a Red Wing.  The Rangers fans booed the Rangers every time they scored that night and cheered when the Red Wings scored.  Edd-ie! Edd-ie! Edd-ie!

This hour has 22 minutes has a great video on the All Star Game:

Follow this link and then play the video titled, “Geri at the NHL All Star Game.”  (Duh).

Have to do this one quickly because I have a train to catch in 15 minutes:

Eric’s picks:

Devils over Bruins – It takes a lot for me to pick against right now, but the Devils have been just as hot as the Bruins lately.
Lightning over Canes – The Lightning know that they have to rely on Mike Smith (a very capable goalie) now that Kolzig is out for the season.
Thrashers over Islanders – Thrashers looking for the season series sweep tonight!
Panthers over Habs – The Habs look to continue their mediocre season.  The Panthers have a whiff of  Playoffs and they want more!
Wings over Stars – If I was Marty Turco, I wouldn’t be very confident tonight.  Turco is 0-8-0 with 2 ties and a a 3.36 GAA at the Joe in his last 11 regular season starts there.
Sens over Blues – Sens get their win of the week tonight.
Avs over Leafs – I’m in a hurry here.
Kings over Blackhawks – Back to back games are a bitch, aren’t they?
Sharks over Coyotes – Come on, meow. *gimmie*

Rory’s picks:

Bruins over Devils – I am totally on the Tim Thomas bandwagon now.
Canes over Lightning – Meh.
Thrashers over Islanders – This is like the battle of the suck.
Canadiens over Panthers – Why not?
Red Wings over Stars – I’m thinking the Wings are pissed off as hell about the last game and the bans on Lidtrom and Datsyuk, and are ready to take that anger out on someone.  Enter the Dallas Stars.
Blues over Senators – Seriously, I flipped a coin.  This is a battle of last-place teams.
Leafs over Avalanche – I’m feeling daring.
Blackhawks over Kings – Come on now.
Sharks over Coyotes – Hahahahahahaha. *gimmie*